There were two things I was totally into as a kid. GI Joe and Super Mario Bros. So, needless to say, the episode of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with Sgt. Slaughter left a big impression on me as a kid. Now, I was never a fan of wrestling as a kid. Was probably the only boy in the 80s that wasn't, so I only knew Sgt. Slaughter as the spokesman of GI Joe. I only saw him in the ads, the cartoon, and the bumpers. So I never knew the character Sgt. Slaughter existed outside of GI Joe. So, imagine my surprise when 6 year old me seeing Sgt. Slaughter walk into the Super Mario Bros. Super Show set. My worlds collided!
If you don't know, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show was a series on during the late 80s based on the popular video game. It was mostly an animated series, but also included live action segments with the Late Captain Lou Albano as Mario. (Also a Wrestler, but I did not know of this either as a kid) the segments were silly at best and sometimes, just plain painful but I was a massive Nintendo fan boy back in the day so I watched it religiously. I loved it then, but I've come to learn that the show in reality is pretty lame. Still, it's childhood and I can't help but smile when I watch it on DVD now.
The episode starts off innocently enough. The Mario Brothers are fixing Sgt. Slaughter's Steam Cabinet. (Didn't know Plumbers did that.)
As the fix it up, they get a call...
On their... Pizza phone... yeeeaah, this made TOTAL sense when I was six >>
The call is from Sgt. Slaughter and they're a little nervous. Because according to Mario, Sgt. Slaughter is a "bully." That's no way to talk about the man training our anti-terrorist force!
This moment has one of the few funny lines in this series. Sarge says he's stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn bridge but is "taking a short cut." Mario points out that there IS no short cut on the Brooklyn Bridge and Sgt. Slaughter responds telling him "It helps if you have a Sherman Tank, Bozo!" Followed by the sound of cars getting crunched. I gotta admit. That's funny!
So has Luigi checks on a Pizza they're apparently making (but then, they're always making a Pizza) Mario decides to climb in and check the steam cabinet.
At that moment, who should walk in but the Sarge himself and with Mario in the Steamer and Luigi unaware that Mario is in the Steamer, poor ol' Wee Gee has to face Slaughter alone.
As Luigi gets the Pizza out of the oven, Sgt. Slaughter checks on his Steamer. He turns it on, unaware that Mario is inside it. He comments on how he "doesn't like how this thing is thumpin'" and walks away. We fade out to the cartoon.
We come back to see Luigi holding the pizza
We then are "treated" to a silly banter done in an Army marching tune
"What'd you make that Pizza with?"
"Anchovies, grieves and cheese wiz"
"I don't like that Thumping sound."
"Boy I wish Mario was around."
"What's wrong with this Steam machine?"
"It just needs a bit more steam"
"Valve's on one two"
"Valve's on three four"
You've got two minutes to give me a KISS!
"VALVE'S ON ONE TWO!"
"VALVE'S ON THREE FOUR!"
Yeah, someone got paid to write this
He then order's Luigi to give him 500 push ups before we cut back to the cartoon.
We return just as Luigi has finished his push-ups. (busts out laughing) Are you serious? Did they expect us to believe Luigi just did 500 push ups? LUIGI? YEAH RIGHT!!
Sgt. slaughter makes a comment that this must be a "communist plot" because the gauge is in "The Red Zone."
... yeeaahh... a lot of little kids are gonna get THAT ONE!
The Sarge decides it's okay except for the thumping sound and tells Luigi to pack it up.
Okay, one more funny line here. He says he "Double Parked." He parked his tank on a Chevy. "Boy was THAT driver mad. Thought she'd never stop yelling."
You know, I kinda want to see this
As he walks off, Luigi does this...
That's right. Luigi just gave Sgt. Slaughter the Italian version of the middle finger. (behind his back of course)
... You know. FOR KIDS!
Luigi tries to move the Steamer to no avail and grumbles about how Mario "left him." In fact, he's so mad he's "going to explode!
At that moment, the Steamer busts open to reveal a tiny tiny Mario saying "If I Get my hands on that Sgt. Slaughter, I'll Widdle him to size!"
Alright, forget my last comment. THAT is what I'd love to see. Midget Mario taking down Sgt. Slaughter. I think the WWF missed out on a golden opportunity here.
And there you have it. Sgt. Slaughter on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Silly, stupid, and harmless if not a wee bit anti-climatic. I'll bet some of you are wondering why I chose to review this when there are so many other Mario Bros. moments to talk about. Well, this one stood out for me as a kid with it's crossing of two of my favorite things and I wanted to share that.
Until next time everyone, DO THE MARIO!!