Superman the arcade game

At some point during the mid 80s to early 90s there was an explosion of video games based on popular comic-book and cartoon series'. All of which having kind of a Ninja Turtlesish game play. Superman was not immune to this. Today I am reviewing his.

Yes, Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound, the amazing stranger from the planet Krypton, the Man of Steel, Superman! Whew, I can't believe I remembered all of that. I think my geekyness is showing. This game has always remained an old childhood favorite from the days when I hung out at the Boys and Girls club. That's where I played the game. Never got very far because of my lack of skill and pocket change but that never stopped me from loving this game. I believe this game was trying to cash in on the movie but other than the theme playing in the background, it doesn't really have much to do with our beloved films. In fact, I think because of those movies and this game, I became of the impression that THIS was the Superman theme and became very confused when I saw other Superman things not use it. What do you want? I was six. Anyway,



Anyway, as I said, despite the theme, it doesn't really have much to do with the movies. In fact, it doesn't really have much to do with anything as far as I can tell. It seems to be basically Superman kicking the can out of some monsters and aliens but it's the simple things in life you treasure as such is this game. Once you slip in our coin, you'll will be offered the choice of one or two players. Yes, two players. I'll bet you're wondering just who would be player 2. Well, I'll get to that in a moment. For now, let's just focus on Superman.



This looks like a job... FOR SUPERMAN!
Whatever that job may be. As I said, this game seems to lack in plot.



But what it lacks in plot it makes up for in fun game play and in the end, isn't that what you truly play games for? Sure, all those well written stories in these new games are nice, but without fun game play, it's really not a game. Anyway, the game play is simple. If it moves, punch it. If it's just plain in your way, punch it.
You also have this strange "Power Punch" thingy. You hold down the punch button and he releases an energy ball that takes your opponent. Not sure why. Don't recall Supes ever able to do THAT, but hey, it's cool. Supes never pulled his S out of his chest and THREW IT at the bad guy either.

Each level is divided into three parts. First on land,



Up in the air where you fly straight up;



And flying across the sky whee you fight asteroids, other various obstacles, and meet up with your boss. Every boss in each level is pretty much the same bald green guy in a different contraption. Beat him, and you get to the next level
Lather, rinse, repeat. The only real difference is settings. First you're in Metropolis,



Then San fransico, Where I question the authenticity of Tai food from a guy named "Joey."



The sewers of San Fransisco, where I kid you not...



You fight a Helicopter. A Helicopter underground! They sent a Helicopter down the sewers of San Fransisco. Gotta admit, that's pretty hardcore.



Las Vegas. I wonder how Superman tells the difference between the aliens and the normal Vegas tourists.



Hey Hey, at ease Superman. We still got a mission!



Even Washington DC. Let me tell you, now we know this is a fantasy because there is no way they would let a super-human alien THIS close to the White House. Even if it was to save the universe. Another thing;



I'm pretty sure Mount Rushmore isn't in Washington D.C.



Then the adventures continue as you enter a space ship and battle...



PLAYBOY BUNNIES OF DOOM!! BWAHAHAHA!



And... this thing. I don't know what it is but DAAAMMN it's big!



The final battle involves the big green bald guy again sending a giant monster at you. The monster looks a lot like the monster you fought earlier which is pretty cheap but it could've been worse. At least the final boss wasn't a Tornado! I'm looking at YOU Superman Returns!



Superman flies over the Statue of Liberty for the world is safe again. For now. With the world's most understated sentence.



Well, it's not the worst final words in a video game.



If you don't know. That's the ending of the Ghostbusters game on the NES. *shudders*

I'll bet you're all wondering about that second player I was talking about. Well, here you go. Unless you're like me. Then you probably forgot. But, if you didn't here you go



Well, there he is. No clue as to who the hell he's supposed to be. I guess they figured all these games have extra players and Superman shouldn't be any different. Even if they had to make one up. And they did. He kinda looks like Captain Marvel to me though.
All in all, it's actually a pretty fun game. Especially for Superman who has trouble getting a break in the video game world. This game isn't perfect but I'll take it over Superman 64.
If you want to play it, look for an Emulator called Mame.

Masters of the Universe Mini comics

Everyone knows the story of He-Man. Prince Adam held aloft his magic sword and said "By the Power of Grayskull" and revealing "Fabulous secret powers" becoming He-Man!
But, did you know of another story of He-Man that came before the animated series? It was told in mini-comics included with every Masters of the Universe action figure.

This story is actually quite different from the one we know. There is no Prince Adam, no Sorceress of Grayskull, and no "By the Power of Grayskull."

In this story, He-Man is He-Man 24/7 and is the strongest warrior of his tribe. He tells his people that evil forces threaten to take over the legendary Castle Grayskull and must leave to fight them if "We are to know lasting peace."
Did I mention that these comics had some pretty corny dialog?

through his journey, he finds A Sorceress in trouble. Once he rescues her, she sees his strength and courage and sees that it marks him as the legendary Hero who is to inherit the treasures she's been gaurding.

She brings him to a cave where these "treasures" lie. The treasures are suits, (A force field suit, and a super strength suit which both look suspiciously like the same damn chest harness thing) weapons, and vehicles that will aid his strength in his defense of Castle Grayskull.
Isn't it convenient that he rescued the very woman that was looking for him? Amazing how these things work.

As He-Man builds his new home with these items, elsewhere we meet Skeletor and Beast Man who are secretly watching Tee-La: The Warrior goddess. Now, this is where the story confuses me. Here is the Tee-la action figure

Aside from the green skin, she looks just like that Sorceress yet in this comic, they seem to think Teela and this Sorceress were two different characters. Where they intended to make them separate characters but changed their minds in the last minute? Or was whoever write this simply unaware? Anyway, Skeletor looks at Tee-la with great desire. He wishes for her to be his bride. So basically he wants to hit that warrior like a rabid rabbit in mating season!

So, what does Skeletor do to win his goddess? Does he woo her? Bring her flowers and chocolates? Hell No! This is Skeletor. The Almighty Badass of evil! He and his minion Beastman charge in to take capture her.

Once he brought down Teela, he and Beastman headed to the legendary Castle Grayskull The spirit of Grayskull awakens and warns him not to enter.
Yeah, that's right. Grayskull talks in this version. this must be where the 2003 toy line got the idea of having Grayskull speak. I was severely confused at the time but upon reading this, I see where they got the idea. Man, it's a good thing they took that out in the cartoon. That would've been awkward for the Sorceress.
SORCERESS: Time to take my bath *undresses*
GRAYSKULL: mmm, you've got some epic boobs there, Sorceress. That's a fine ass too
SORCERESS: >< So much for this idea.

Skeletor defies the castle's warning and with his power, forces the Jaw-bridge to open

Once they've entered the castle, Skeletor uses reads an ancient scroll to search for a magic sword hidden in the castle.

Meanwhile, Man-At-Arms offers his help but He-Man says he does not have time to get to Grayskull by wheels and uses his battle ram to teleport.

Back at the castle, our villains come across a door that Beastman is unable to open, but Skeletor is with his own lightning sword. (some security Grayskull has)

Upon opening this door, Skeletor goes through a tunnel and finds what he was looking for. Half of the legendary power sword. The sword Skeletor has now is the other half. When brought together, the two halves give him the power to control Grayskull.

He-Man soon arrives to the scene his Battle Ram to save Grayskull and Teela. Wearing his force field suit, the lasers from Grayskull's gun that Beast Man fires are of no use. So instead of shooting He-Man, Beast Man shoots his Battle Ram.

But before Beast Man can finish the job, Man-At-Arms comes to the rescue and saves He-Man. So while Man-At-Arms keeps Beast Man busy, He-Man uses all his might to pry open the Jaw-Bride.
Hmm, ever notice how many names in this world use the word "Man?" In this comic alone we've got He-Man, Beast Man, and Man-At-Arms. To say nothing of characters such as Ram Man, Man-E-Faces, Mer-Man, ect.
And He-Man just pries the Jaw Bride open? The Jaw Bridge of the all power Castle Grayskull gets pulled open with He-Man just pulling it down? He's not even wearing his super strength suit and he still manages to pry it open. In between this and Skeletor just zapping the castle into submission, it makes me wonder how no one's managed to take this castle over ages ago.

Well, anyway with his suit damaged from the laser cannon, He-Man gets rid of it and fights Skeletor. But Skeletor uses his power sword to bring objects and weapons to life and lunge at him.

Then that Sorceress comes out of no where and pretty much tells Skeletor "You've been a bad boy. No Power Sword for you!" and breaks the halves back apart and makes them disappear. Then she just disappears too.

So then He-Man and friends continue to beat the snot of of Skeletor and Beast Man until they flee with no power sword to protect them. Hey! When did He-Man get his suit back? Oh Well. Grayskull says that it owes them some sort of reward so it brings Teela her unicorn back. I don't know, that seems like kind of a gyp to me. "You protected me and saved Eternia. So in return, here's that horse back. Nothing new, nothing powerful, after all. What do you expect me to do? It's not like I'm some all powerful fortress of mystery... oh... right..."
He-Man doubts that they've seen the last of the power sword but sees the rising sun as "a good omen for the Masters of the Universe."
So there you have it. The original plot of Masters of the Universe. It is certainly more different and unique than the story we got as an animated series. Is it better? Mattel must not have thought so since after a while (probably when they started introducing the cartoon characters as toys like Prince Adam) they switched to the cartoon plot line. But was that the best idea? Which storyline was the best? I'll let you decide that.

This is the Ninja Pirate signing off!

Sgt. Slaughter on Super Mario Bros.

There were two things I was totally into as a kid. GI Joe and Super Mario Bros. So, needless to say, the episode of the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with Sgt. Slaughter left a big impression on me as a kid. Now, I was never a fan of wrestling as a kid. Was probably the only boy in the 80s that wasn't, so I only knew Sgt. Slaughter as the spokesman of GI Joe. I only saw him in the ads, the cartoon, and the bumpers. So I never knew the character Sgt. Slaughter existed outside of GI Joe. So, imagine my surprise when 6 year old me seeing Sgt. Slaughter walk into the Super Mario Bros. Super Show set. My worlds collided!
If you don't know, the Super Mario Bros. Super Show was a series on during the late 80s based on the popular video game. It was mostly an animated series, but also included live action segments with the Late Captain Lou Albano as Mario. (Also a Wrestler, but I did not know of this either as a kid) the segments were silly at best and sometimes, just plain painful but I was a massive Nintendo fan boy back in the day so I watched it religiously. I loved it then, but I've come to learn that the show in reality is pretty lame. Still, it's childhood and I can't help but smile when I watch it on DVD now.

The episode starts off innocently enough. The Mario Brothers are fixing Sgt. Slaughter's Steam Cabinet. (Didn't know Plumbers did that.)

As the fix it up, they get a call...

On their... Pizza phone... yeeeaah, this made TOTAL sense when I was six >>
The call is from Sgt. Slaughter and they're a little nervous. Because according to Mario, Sgt. Slaughter is a "bully." That's no way to talk about the man training our anti-terrorist force!
This moment has one of the few funny lines in this series. Sarge says he's stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn bridge but is "taking a short cut." Mario points out that there IS no short cut on the Brooklyn Bridge and Sgt. Slaughter responds telling him "It helps if you have a Sherman Tank, Bozo!" Followed by the sound of cars getting crunched. I gotta admit. That's funny!


So has Luigi checks on a Pizza they're apparently making (but then, they're always making a Pizza) Mario decides to climb in and check the steam cabinet.



At that moment, who should walk in but the Sarge himself and with Mario in the Steamer and Luigi unaware that Mario is in the Steamer, poor ol' Wee Gee has to face Slaughter alone.



As Luigi gets the Pizza out of the oven, Sgt. Slaughter checks on his Steamer. He turns it on, unaware that Mario is inside it. He comments on how he "doesn't like how this thing is thumpin'" and walks away. We fade out to the cartoon.


We come back to see Luigi holding the pizza

We then are "treated" to a silly banter done in an Army marching tune
"What'd you make that Pizza with?"
"Anchovies, grieves and cheese wiz"
"I don't like that Thumping sound."
"Boy I wish Mario was around."
... riveting!
"What's wrong with this Steam machine?"
"It just needs a bit more steam"
"Valve's on one two"
"Valve's on three four"


You've got two minutes to give me a KISS!
"VALVE'S ON ONE TWO!"
"VALVE'S ON THREE FOUR!"
Yeah, someone got paid to write this
He then order's Luigi to give him 500 push ups before we cut back to the cartoon.

We return just as Luigi has finished his push-ups. (busts out laughing) Are you serious? Did they expect us to believe Luigi just did 500 push ups? LUIGI? YEAH RIGHT!!

Sgt. slaughter makes a comment that this must be a "communist plot" because the gauge is in "The Red Zone."
... yeeaahh... a lot of little kids are gonna get THAT ONE!

The Sarge decides it's okay except for the thumping sound and tells Luigi to pack it up.

Okay, one more funny line here. He says he "Double Parked." He parked his tank on a Chevy. "Boy was THAT driver mad. Thought she'd never stop yelling."
You know, I kinda want to see this
As he walks off, Luigi does this...

That's right. Luigi just gave Sgt. Slaughter the Italian version of the middle finger. (behind his back of course)
... You know. FOR KIDS!

Luigi tries to move the Steamer to no avail and grumbles about how Mario "left him." In fact, he's so mad he's "going to explode!

At that moment, the Steamer busts open to reveal a tiny tiny Mario saying "If I Get my hands on that Sgt. Slaughter, I'll Widdle him to size!"
Alright, forget my last comment. THAT is what I'd love to see. Midget Mario taking down Sgt. Slaughter. I think the WWF missed out on a golden opportunity here.
And there you have it. Sgt. Slaughter on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show. Silly, stupid, and harmless if not a wee bit anti-climatic. I'll bet some of you are wondering why I chose to review this when there are so many other Mario Bros. moments to talk about. Well, this one stood out for me as a kid with it's crossing of two of my favorite things and I wanted to share that.


Until next time everyone, DO THE MARIO!!

You made Astro Boy cry